I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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