were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
