Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you win again, gameday.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
