I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
PANTIES FOUND
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