Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
