he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
