im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
