Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
