I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
