the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
