I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize