he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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