saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
