I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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