Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
