Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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