I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize