I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
