Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
