I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
