is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
