I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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