I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
