i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize