I need help removing her.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
