i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
