I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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