do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
