Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
