at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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