I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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