I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i think my tv is drunk
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
