She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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