Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
