Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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