So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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