haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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