Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
