She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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