You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
