You work out of a Hotel?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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