i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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