Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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