Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
