Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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