i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
