Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have demons in me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
