Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
