I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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