I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dicks are not precious.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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