i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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