the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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