there's paper in my vomit.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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