i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize