I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
