girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
