Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My vagina is officially offended.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
