Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
