He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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