It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize