your room smells of hookers.
And success
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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