If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
