Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
