her vagine was all disorganized.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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