I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
