i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
