so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
