i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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