As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
