there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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