Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
