so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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