just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
