They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
