wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
