he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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