I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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