there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
