I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
