I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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