We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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