My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
