be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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