So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When are your genitals available?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
