I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
