he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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