if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
