It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
