We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
