Screwed.edu
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
