Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
