Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
