Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
