Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
