my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
