I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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