toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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