I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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